Now I See
by Aqua-Zodiac
Summary: Chapter 450 from Zeref's POV. Enjoy the angst. Zervis and Spoilers.


**I DON'T OWN FAIRY TAIL. BECAUSE IF I DID, I WOULDN'T BE SO GODDAMNED CRUEL.**

* * *

She looked so dull, lifeless, so unlike the angel that had rushed to my side just a year ago. Just as I had been when I first began to understand this curse. I couldn't help but hope that maybe if I was calm she would be calm in return. I gave a small smile, "I've been looking for you, Mavis..."

"Zeref."

Where was the color? The flare? Th excitement? Where was the angelic smile that I had already began to dream of having by my side for the rest of eternity?

I tried to lighten the mood with some light teasing, "You look terrible..."

"..."

Crap, did I just end up offending her?

She turned her face down, looking to her knees instead of me. "I haven't eaten in half a year, and, yet, I'm still alive."

So, that's where she was. I remember all too well how I was when in those first three years. I tried to off myself in so many ways. I ate nothing. I forewent sleep. I put myself at the mercy of predators. I leapt from tall structures. A few drowning attempts, and even some sharp objects... Suddenly, I could see Mavis attempting to put an end to herself in those same means. I saw her body on the cold ground, mangled and twisted with numerous broken bones. Unable to die but perfectly capable of suffering pain.

No.

I would not see her hurt, not a single strand of her beautiful hair. I had to nip this stage in the butt for her. I narrowed my eyes, trying to will the message into her head, "That's what the Ankseram Curse is. You wouldn't die even if someone beheaded you."

Her face fell behind her knees. She tiny frame trembled as she clutched at her knees. Her shaky voice pierced my heart, "I beg you, please..." she looked up, her brow sweaty and knitted together, "just kill me."

"Sorry, even I can't do that," I said. I love her too much, and I'm far too selfish to give her that if I could. I want her with me too much. "The same goes for you. I was like you once..."

At that point, I was rambling. I didn't know, nor did think about what was coming out of my mouth. I was only vaguely aware myself. This wasn't uncommon. I would get mixed up trying to understand what I was saying. Ah, my head was beginning to throb. Damn, what was I doing? What was I even saying? Why was I being so-?

Suddenly, the world was clear again. Tiny, slender arms wrapped around my shoulders as best they could, and long blonde hairs tickled my face. I felt the salty touch of tears on my shoulder, "I'll accept all of you!"

Oh, gods what is this feeling?

"The only one who understands how you feel is me... so... don't give up." She pulled away and my breath was stolen by those brilliant green eyes. I saw the same determination that made me teach her magic. The brilliant mind behind them. "We'll find a way to break this curse."

She was breathtaking, despite the tears streaming down her cheeks. She smiled at me, _for me_. I felt a tear touch my own cheek. I felt amazed to know she someone could look at me like that.

"Let's find it together."

I blinked, more stunned than hesitant, "Together?"

She tilted her head and her smile grew, "Yes..."

"Mavis..." I shed the rest of my tears, clearing my vision so that I could properly see her. When that didn't work, I gave up and threw my own arms around her. I felt the softness of her wild hair. I breathed in the floral scent unmarred by the lack of a bath.

Now, as I held her in my quaking arms, I felt the urge to tell her what she meant to me, "You're the first one to treat me this kindly..."

"Of course not." She sounded so sure, "You just don't remember... I'm sure."

Mavis made even me feel as though she was right. I yearned to feel the same way she did about my worthiness of love.

Love...

I had yet to voice the truth of my feelings. Slowly and somewhat unwillingly, I pulled away from our embrace. I was only far away enough to gaze into the emeralds of her eyes. I was overwhelmed with the urge to make her understand my feelings. In that moment, I failed to understand how any human could find these words so hard to say. They fell from my lips so naturally.

"It's also the first time I've loved someone this much too..."

Something in Mavis's expression changed. Her eyes seemed to be searching mine for something. But for what? My hands moved of their own accord for a moment, traveling through the locks of her hair to the place where her head met her neck.

Suddenly, her expression had a name: expectation.

But I couldn't think of what she was expecting until her face came closer. Her eyes fluttered shut, and suddenly, I could only focus on the slight pucker of her lips. I took no thought in closing the distance between us.

So, this is it huh?

I thought I understood the true value of life. I was wrong. Love. That is what gave life its true glow. This is what made it worth living. Being immortal, constantly being alone, I had always known that was not true life. Life was the way her lips moved with mine. The way her hands fisted the front of my shirt. Yes, this is too precious for words.

That's why it wasn't allowed to live in my arms.

Happiness quickly turned to despair as the tiny fists loosed and the sweet lips didn't return the force of the kiss.

 _Gods, no. Please not her. I've been punished enough. Please just let me have this._ I begged in my mind, as she fell from out kiss. I felt the shaking return one hundred fold.

The pain was worse than any attempt to take my own life ever was. It violently rocked my body as I let the tears roll. Despite my shaking, I felt the unnatural stillness in my arms. I wanted to scream, to wail as the silent sobs racked my body. I wanted to call her name. To beg her not to be gone. To hope this was a cruel joke on her part.

But the pain wouldn't let me. Because the pain understood.

This was the true punishment divined by the gods that cursed me. The punishment was having this, this brief moment of joy, happiness, love, peace, meaning, ripped from me after giving me hope for it. The pain known that this was how it was to destroy me. And now, I see.


End file.
